Five Things I Learned in My First Five Years of Sobriety

A listicle about some key lessons I have learned in sobriety as I celebrate my fifth year sober.

1. The opposite of addiction is connection.

Before I got sober, I believed the opposite of addiction was sobriety. It didn’t take long for me to see that abstinence from alcohol and drugs would only be the beginning of my journey. Alcoholism is a disease and the alcohol and drug use is only a symptom. Removing the toxic substances from my life cleared my mind in a way that allowed me to be a better person even beyond abstaining from booze and drugs. In the process that is nothing short of a rebirth, it is crucial to make connections with like-minded folk and people who have good intentions along similar spiritual lines.

I had an immense amount of friends with whom I partied and spent years connecting with, thanks to drugs and alcohol. I am forever grateful for those memories and the genuine love for and from the people in that chapter of my life. However, when I made the decision to get sober, I knew that everything had to change. I had to start my life from scratch in a way that placed my sobriety above anything and everyone else.

The other connection that I nurture every single day is my relationship with my High Power, who I sometimes call God. God may not mean the same thing to me as it does to the next person, but I have found strength in a spiritual connection with a power greater than myself. I am a split custody child and was raised with two completely different examples of what God looked like. I was baptized Catholic and grew up in a Christian church, neither of those Gods are whom I speak to today. My God loves me and does not punish me for my mistakes and differences.

2. Do not be ashamed to seek professional help.

I credit a lot of my sobriety to my 12-step program, but my two years in therapy were equally as crucial. Working with a therapist allowed me to dig into the roots of my issues that started long before I ever had my first drink.

I’ve been anxious since I came out of the womb. I easily get overwhelmed and overstimulated. I get depressed and sometimes I get really fucking happy. I perform compulsions to get rid of unwanted thoughts. I’ve got problems, there is no doubt about that. I once believed that alcohol and drugs helped quiet my issues but now I know that drinking and using only made them worse. 

I will never be one to say therapy or Alcoholics Anonymous works better because I am a huge advocate for both. The two different supports help me in different ways. There is a feeling of safety that I reached while working with my therapist, but she related to me through an intellectual lens. In my 12-step program, I work with equals, so that fear of judgment is diminished. Therapy helps build me from the inside while my 12-step program helps me build the community around me.

3. I am capable of much more than I give myself credit for.

By nature, I am insecure and often fall victim to imposter syndrome. While I was partying through my teenage years and early twenties, I missed out on some crucial learning experiences during a pivotal time in my life. Missing those experiences naturally makes me feel behind when I compare myself to some of my peers who didn’t spend their teens and twenties in addiction.

When I allow myself the time and space to learn things that everyone else seems to already know, I realize that I am capable of whatever I put my mind to despite being on a different timeline than my peers.

4. God is in the pause.

I first heard this from my good friend while we were on a hike with our support group fellowship. She told me that her sponsor had told her that, and now we share a sponsor. Although my immediate response to any difficult challenge is no longer to drink or use drugs over it, I still have days that find me struggling with some of my deeply ingrained character defects. I am by no means perfect, and sometimes I forget that I don’t have the power to control everything around me. When I pause and make that connection with my Higher Power, I can tackle any difficulty that I face with grace.

5. Sobriety is much more fun than active addiction.

I enjoyed raving. I enjoyed house parties. I enjoyed late night trips to the liquor store and dealers’ houses. I have this ability to adapt and enjoy almost any situation that I am in if I try hard enough. But some things I could never adapt to were the waves of anxiety that accompanied vicious hangovers. Nausea. Depersonalization. Depression. And the shame and guilt that I felt when I had to text a friend to ask how I got home, where my glasses were, and if they hated my guts. It seemed like every time I drank and got high, it started great and ended horribly. I can still go to house parties, I can still attend raves. But now I get to enjoy those moments and keep the memories. I don’t have to ruminate about the what ifs after a blackout.

My life is so much fuller now that I co-pilot with my Higher Power instead of taking the backseat as alcohol and drugs take turns at the wheel. Before I got sober, I was terrified of becoming a boring person, but now I know that removing alcohol and drugs actually makes life a hell of a lot more interesting.