Sophomore

My brand new experimental electronic album is now streaming on all major platforms.

In the world of pop music, the sophomore album can make or break an act. Underperforming sophomore albums can guide once-promising pop acts into the void of music past. Successful sophomore albums can launch a pop act into pop stardom.

As a child and through my teens, I spent years world building around a couple pop stars that I had made up. I loved Britney Spears, the Spice Girls, P!NK, and all the other early 2000s girlies. I used them as inspiration and I studied their celebrity status as well as their music chart performance and their individual brands. Pop stars were my special interest. (You can read about the introduction to my two main girlies: Jeanene and Antinda in my debut book by clicking here.) In my adult life, my special interest shifted to psychology. With Britney being my primary special interest, I think the overlap and transition was quite organic. While studying psychology, I learned that my hours upon hours of world building and dozens of notebooks filled with one linear story was a form of dissociation.

What I really wanted was to be as famous as Britney, and the reason I wanted that was because I felt invisible and disposable. If even one person could love me the way I loved Britney, I would have felt satisfied.

If you have read my memoir, you know that I spent decades fantasizing about becoming a singer but was so crippled by anxiety that I never had any follow through. At 32, I taught myself how to use GarageBand and produced my debut single, “I Can’t Believe I’m Leaving You,” - a song that I began writing on guitar when I was 17 years old.

From there I became wholly obsessed and produced song after song until, ten months later, I compiled them all into my debut album, Matty. The album has some sweet spots - like the fan-favorite “There’s Someone at the Front Door,” that I wrote after an acute psychotic episode, and “Addicted,” which I wrote and produced during a spiral as my relationship was crumbling, and “Fabulous,” which originated as a duet with my sister back in 2008. It was clear that I was learning how to do the thing as I made the thing, and that’s okay. As a lifelong student, I have no shame in that. I am actually quite proud of what I made, even as amatuer as it is.

After releasing the uptempo experimental electronic dance album, Matty, I wanted to shift to a soft guitar-focused storytelling folky album. After several months of my guitar collecting dust, I sat down to play around with GarageBand again. Then “Balance,” came. I made a music video expressively incorporating yoga poses as I was actively earning my Yoga Teacher Training certification at that time. From there, my inspiration had been ignited again.

Next I produced, “Fear of Abandonment,” - one of my favorite tracks I have made so far - and the protest song, “No Human Being Is Illegal.” From there, I just kept going, leading with feeling rather than thought. What that became was music with feelings and free from words. I think it made sense at that time because I was listening to a lot of handpan music (shoutout to Malte Marten - my top artist this year) because I needed to have my own thoughts.

During the summer, I took a vinyasa flow class and the teacher had not put on music. At first I panicked. I felt vulnerable. After that initial panic, I was able to tap into my body/ mind connection in a way that I hadn’t accessed in a vinyasa class before. I approached her after class and thanked her. She told me that music is inherently psychological, especially music with lyrics, and that she didn’t want to interrupt our spiritual practice. I thought that was incredibly beautiful. It made me look at my own life and question whether I was playing music to enjoy it or to drown something out. This year I probably listened to the least amount of music ever, and the music I did listen to was primarily handpan. (When I say the least amount of music, I think it was still 60,000 minutes or something crazy like that on my year-end wrapped display.)

Listening to less music helped the music and thoughts in my brain develop the space to spread out. I was not suffocating them by external media and thoughts of others. I think this helped my mood immensely.

This was a particularly difficult year as I watched my Grandmother fall ill and then I spent hours upon hours in the hospital, then transferred her to an in-home care place that turned out to be an illegal operation, and then had her transported back to the hospital, where she took her last breath. The whole thing was actually quite traumatic, and I am sure that someday that will show up in my art. But the music I made this year was not about that at all. I tapped into my surreal roots while creating the extraterrestrial soundscape, “Intergalactic Love Affair,” and channeled a 90s club energy with, “Revenge.” I have so many creative outlets and I realized I don’t have to make each one go so deep. I am editing a memoir about addiction right now, so this fun and upbeat album allowed me to balance those feelings out.

My new album, Sophomore, is now available to stream on all major platforms. I hope that you take the 26 minutes to listen to it, and that it brings you some joy. Please feel free to use the songs in your social media posts and stories, and add your favorites to your playlists.

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